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Delve into the Depths
Muse among the Madness
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America punishes you for trying to be sane.  Stockholm syndrome is our addiction to money, proof is all of our anxiety that we have when issues come up.  Being poor is very stressful, being stressed and too poor to care for it  keeps you stressed, so being poor helps keep you poor.  Now if you didn't start out poor (your parents and grandparents were never poor, ancestry wasn't Irish/Jewish or other anxiety-inducing lifestyle heritage), this would be more of a shock to your system rather than a continual escalation of poor-stress conditioning.

I would like to see a survey of all who are "financially unstable"/living out of their means does NOT count.  If you can reasonably find work given your skills (including being paid to learn new skills for a career), mental condition, childcare covered, and jobs actually are available, then you are stable if it pays for regular living expenses (mortgage not rent, when you pay money into the roof over your head you should be able to sell it at cost to buy a larger roof at cost, not lose all value because a landlord wants to increase profits). This does include an allowance for entertainment, snacks/treats, and occasional fun item/activity, along with yearly/quarterly maintenance expenses (vehicle, home, etc.)

Poor cannot afford care when they are barely making physical needs, which is not even taking into account the accumulation of stress over lifetimes, and yet caring for these issues of mental stress could be the beginning of their ability to escape the poor cycle.  giving tools like trust and loyalty while maintaining expectations of accountability can improve the conditions of those whom we take the chance on, but only if we offer them care without restrictions and treat thier addictions first instead of turning them away.  asking for physical securities because you never had them and were taught to be proud of that instead makes it extremely difficult to believe, so the very first thing needed for anything to truly have an impact is the attitude of trust.  There must be studies of humans' treatment in recovery from stress-inducing conditions on a severe level (PTSD from being homeless, addicted to drugs or alcohol or destructive behavior) which show that given a safe environment with stability, real healing can begin.  Psychological issues must be treated along with and beyond the addiction and damaged mental pathways of the past. These poor who have this mental circumstance have not tools to just figure it out in a system that is designed against thier success.  Many examples come down to it having been too long since someone has held a job and for that fact alone they are judged as worse at working, despite there not being work available for thier skill set to be had, and them not being able to afford skills education without having a job in the first place.


 We really should address all of the mental illnesses and cycle of abuse that are actually the real cause of the problems that we have as a society in America. Recidivism exists because we never treat the real cause of the behavior for which we punish people. We then train them to exist in a microcosm of fear and not what if it actually is, then expect them to function as if they have learned anything. We assume that they know better, because we do not want to examine our own ability to raise citizens as a society. The only way to fix anything is to address the fact that our systems cause problems and how. America is too full of itself like a petulant teenager trying to prove is dumb ideas to the world when it does not even know how to function, let alone how to examine its own contributions to the downfall of society.

The United States wouldn't dare inhibit a citizens second amendment rights, but don't seem to care too much about their sixth amendment rights. Where's the sweeping and overwhelming national outrage about that?


[–]averroes86 8 points 1 day ago

Please do not assume that this is something that has been permanent in the US - I believe it has intensified more recently.

And I believe that the reason for this is in the last part of John Adams' quote: "...who have a right and a desire to know."

At the risk of self-victimization, I believe that the majority of Americans have seen politics as a luxury. I believe our first wake-up call was 9/11 and the Iraqi and Afghani wars, then it was the recent recession. The more shit like this happens the more it floats to the surface.

If you don't believe me, seriously - think of Julian's comment and imagine it in a typical Hollywood film. People would have applauded Manning out of respect because that is what is natural not only to an American but to any intelligent human-being.

The fact that it is happening is extremely shocking and disappointing to me. I acknowledge it is wrong but the truth of the matter is that I only learned about this, sadly, this year. I don't know if anybody else is wondering the same...'where do we begin?'

[–]Sarah_HarrisonSARAH HARRISON[S] 68 points 1 day ago

Obama and the US government generally have tried to offer each truthteller as an deterrent. Manning was sentenced to 35 years, Hammond to 10 years, Brown to 5 years, WikiLeaks secret Grand Jury is ongoing in its 5th year. Yet, their deterrent method is clearly failing. Snowden came forward.

I was always very aware, and driven whilst we worked to get Snowden asylum to the fact that this could be another potential example, counter to that of the US government. Granted Snowden isnt as protected globally as he should be, but he is not in prison.

I look forward to when the next truthteller comes forward. Courage is building the safetynets for when they do.

22nd-Feb-2014 09:47 pm - Kittens

both of my Nkitties...napolean and nayla

17th-Oct-2013 03:19 pm - strange dream
I was packing to leave for north carolina to meet Eric for when he returned from deployment.  mom was supposed to do the trip with me, after we had stopped at grammy's.  She had gone over to the neighbors with dad and they both had hit a bong and were really slow.  I was all packed and ready to go, trying to load everything into my car.  Had a large bad filled with vibrators, partially open but didn't care.   was very angry at mom for not being ready to go; had a long drive from MD.  Andy graper and a handful of other people from FSK heard me yelling in a restaurant about needing someone to travel with me.  he siad he'd go if he could but didn't know how because he had to be home.  Left by myself i think, but in "perpetual traveling" mode without a sensory memory of doing the trip (nothing in dream, skipped to arrival) and while the "trip" was happening, I was afraid of how Eric would be when I got there; what exactly would he be able to do.  it seemed like I knew he would be a ghost of sorts, but would it be in a hospital or his presence just being around.  I was scared of the future/apprehensive, but very anxious to move forward in time, get on with life.
what is the difference between "lethal" and "fatal"
what if your fate wasn't to die, but to survive death
so there's no such thing as a fate - tal weapon
unless it sucks at being a weapon
lethal means to die though
but the lesson here is that not everyone's fate is to die, beucase if it was, then we wouldn't have both words!!!!
if 4:20 is the 60's thing, then 3:11 is the 90's thing. cuz it's one and a half, like 9 = 1.5 times 6. alcohol is just as natural too ;-)

plus, the music matches, cuz 311 HAHA! now hey dad, and anyone else who grew up in the 60's/likes the music. Was there ever a band named 420 in the 60s that was super popular among the alternative crowd of the time?
27th-Jun-2013 05:02 pm - song that says everything
Natalie imbruglia "all the roses"

i can sing every single word of this beautiful song and know how it feels.  I love the piano in the accompaniment and how her voice almost breaks; it would do the same to me.  Takes talent to get that close (because it's real it's not hard to) and yet not scream or cry; i'm not sure i'd be able to maintain that professionalism.

"All The Roses"

What do I do with all the roses outside
There not supposed to grow this time of year
It's a hard rain but you got me smiling
And you are the only one who can get me through

I can hear your voice when you're whispering
I can feel your heart when it's beating
I believe you're near when the ghost comes in
I can hear you when you're calling out my name

I can remember when a day lasted forever
Summer was everything and there was nothing to fear
You were so tough but your heart said so much
And nobody else got through quite like you

I can hear your voice when you're whispering
I can feel your heart when it's beating
I believe you're near when the ghost comes in
I can hear you when you're calling out my name

Did I get hit by the moonlight, under the stars
'Cos you feel so close that I can reach you
Wherever you are

I can hear your voice when you're whispering
I can feel your heart when it's beating
I believe you're near when the ghost comes in
I can hear you when you're calling

I can hear your voice when you're whispering
I can feel your heart when it's beating
I believe you're near when the ghost comes in
I can hear you when you're calling out my name

I had this feeling very strongly with eric, and had twinges of the same feeling but alot fainter with matt.  i thought i had it with luis, but my head was not in a place to judge what it is.

high. had a super freakin deep talk with javier about soulmates. crazy how i could follow along and i feel like i want to write a paper on it
the levels of love and the highest most intense is felt when you feel like you can be completely vulnerable to hurt. when you let down every single guard for another person, and you dont even know why. you can't rationally explain it. it happens biologically but we don't know the neurochemicals responsible yet
the one that is the opposite of fear should be combined with the on that is for trust
its funny; there really isnt a word that is EXACT opposite of fear.
6th-Jun-2013 06:44 pm - boyfriend
Some background: Matt is a friend of Nic's (ex-girlfriend i dated for 2 months and broke up with a few weeks ago).  Just last week  he had soemthing fall through with another girl, and in a few days realized he had feelings for me that something could be done about.  I was curious about him but didn't know if I was attracted enough to date; hangingout a few times over the weekend helped to clarify that I was!  I'm taking this slow and really enjoying getting to know more about him. We already talk about alot of things that we have in common, from some music and foods, to time dealing with the military and social experience.  I am very pleased to find that I can connect to someone and see the potential for a real beneficial relationship.
21st-Apr-2013 02:38 pm - clarity and closure
we were on a trip, me with some widows, my family, and Lynn, denise and her sisters - even though I didn't see them ever, I knew they were with our group (in-laws).  Driving up to Pennsylvania, route 71 and 32 intersection except that you had to jump from the op of one down to the 32, like a T and the top of the 71 was a spinning wooden table that the car was sitting on; called the Jack in the Box table.

main part of the dream was in a hotel, everyone had their own rooms, but it was more like a large mansion.  In the beginning I was worried where mom was and I was calling for her, then went in the bathroom (it was like her house's) and saw her in the tub, under the water, head suffocating in a salad bag.  tried to give her CPR and saw her eyes had lost almost all of the color without a pulse. I was very upset and started screaming, Liz came in and tried to calm me down

also other people were with us, Dwight and Eric.  One of the girls was very upset at Dwight for having done something like he would do.  She was expecting him to help pay for her to have a regular room instead of a closet/hallway room.  At the point of the dream, Eric had been back for about 8 months, as in just appeared as returned to earth and only I could see him but he was just as real to me as if he'd never left life.  After the drive up to north PA and back, we were at the same hotel.  There was also a giant mall connected to the hotel, some girls went shopping in.  I stayed in except for one store on the outside that had purses.  Details are foggy but this part of the dream made me feel very anxious and worried about the family, emotionally drained about losing mom, and like everyone was being busy around me and I couldn't even focus on what was going on.  Eric was spending time with a short blonde girl (who was kinda similar to Nicole my ex but with longer hair), and it wasn't expected for us to be together, as if we were suddenly separated w/o the chance of being back together so we both had to move on.  None of the other widows girls liked this blonde chick.

Part of the time at the hotel I went out to a local bar, and saw people like my old roommate and his freinds, randoms from highschool, and chris stavely (who recently had gotten married).  There were also some of Eric's freinds who sat near me.  I was bored at the hotel room so i went early and was there to get dinner before stuff started later; Casey (jake from crossroads) was serving and had just assumed that the sandwich i ordered was for Eric.  I had to say "no that is for me" beucase it was like I wasn't even with Eric.  I was glad to see him there but we weren't together and i was annoyed that bartender Casey had assumed so.  Eric was there with his freinds and I think that blonde chick was around somewhere.  It was a very small dive bar, and I felt like the old roommate's crowd was both laughing at me and feeling sorry for me.  My attitude was more of a "i have something special with him that no one else knows about or could even comprehend" but I was still sad and slightly impatient.  Talking with kendall about seeing chris and then I saw something on facebook about how he was single, and expressed shock.

mom had come back alive a couple hours later and it was as if the incident had never happened.  everyone in the family would talk to each other on cell phones rather than face to face about what was going on.  It was so nice to see my sisters and parents together and happy while we were all hanging out in the mansion. it was night time and I was trying to find my car; time for everyone to disperse and drive off separately in carpools.  I was driving my old gray corolla (first car), and it was parked across spaces on an angle near the other ones (there were about 5 or 6 for our whole mixed group).  I saw Eric and we finally had the chance to talk but as soon as I got in driver's seat he was in passenger and my legs were stretched over, it felt like we were in our own world.  Then realized that it would be difficult bugging everyone there why we wanted to drive back together, beucase we'd hardly had any time alone to just talk.  Even he said so to his aunt carol, but the group had gotten alot smaller by that time.  I felt content finally being able to have him in that special way that no one else knew about, to talk about our marriage and what had happened since he suddenly disappeared.

In a 24-hour grocery store where everyone wanted to pick up last minute items before their drive back to wherever, and Rocketman (from penny) was working.  Eric and I were standing in line and just waiting for everyone to be done, and then I went outside to wait.  some time went by, then i realized he wasn't with me and I ran back inside frantic, screaming "where's Eric?" and bouncing around having a panic attack.  Denise had to tell me he was gone, and that He'd been gone, and he's not coming back.  this tone of finality and annoyance with me like I was being incredibly stupid.  I kept saying "but he's been back, he's been here with me, for the past 8 months" and she was shaking her head like i was delusional.  I started to wonder if I had been making it all up in my head, but then something calmed me.  I thought about how it didn't matter what she believed, only what I had experienced, because I got to know the truth of him. 

It was him nudging me forward in life and that it was OK to move on and find other guys attractive and think about if I'd like to date again.  walking out of the store down a hallway with my parents there were a few guys that i checked out and one looked back and smiled.  blond long hair and eyeliner, acid wash jeans.  I felt like I looked like a bum beucase I had on a plain navy blue t-shirt and black sweatpants with my hair not done.  But i smiled anyways.  fade out, and left me feeling content like eric had given me a blessing, the closure.
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